***EDIT



Rainy days have come... Expecting wetness for most of the coming weeks. As the rain pours, i'll start to feel a little blue as usual...

Even heaven has its emo season.

...

Yesterday at East Coast, i fell dizzily in love with Nike girl (cos she was wearing a Nike top, hence). She and 3 other friends were playing volleyball on the beach, and even though they suck at it... ... Well, whatever floats their boat haha.

Ok anyway my point is, she's damn cute la! Got bunny teeth also, very lovely girl. She looked some 16-years-old, but the way she moves and her gestures, i know she's definitely not simple. Then jonathan and i were like two shameless morons who've never seen a galz before, haha. Initially we were just minding our own business and passively suntanning, but eventually we pretended to be actively chatting but actually kept looking over their side haha.

And then when i came home in the night, i started thinking...

I mean, she's pretty and all, but what suddenly comes to mind were girlfriends, relationships, and all the other stuff that follows. No i'm not talking about Nike girl, but gfs and relationships in general.

It's so tiring, so energy-draining just to even THINK of those things. Apart from the joyous and touching moments u can have with someone u adore, there's just so much to be concerned about...

How long will feelings last?

Will we have a future?

How much effort are we willing to put in to mould a future?

What kind of differences will we have?

What are the conflicts in our lifestyles and goals?

When i put my life and soul into the relationship for her, will she appreciate it?

Will there ever be a third party?

Am i good enough for her?

Does she take me as the last she'll ever have?

Are we gonna be able to live with each other, under the same roof?

Are we giving each other sufficient space?

Are we giving each other the comfort that we need?

When we quarrel, who's gonna give in eventually?

When i get too busy and always haven't got much time for her, will she feel let down? (They always say no, and that they'd understand, but what happens? It's always the same shit.)

I have my plans, my goals and ambitions, but will she support me? And for how long?

What we expect of each other, will those things be just right, or too much? And how much is supposedly right? Or should we expect nothing at all?

When she chose to be together with me, did she have a future in mind, or was it just a casual, because-the-feeling-is-right decision?

I could go for long periods of strenuous activities, go on long journeys, without feeling mentally exhausted. But simply just planning a date, i could go bonkers cos of the stress.

You could say that i'm being complicated. Everyone will say stuff like with true love, all those things don't matter. But c'mon, this is really reality. Problems exist, hence concerns surface.

Much as i'd look forward to spending the rest of my life with the girl i could splurge my love on, the pride and joy of my life, the reason i smile; there's just too many things holding me back. At least for the time being.

I am carefree. I go to places i want to go; i only make plans for myself. I do the things i'd love to do, and i set my own tempo. I live to be happy, and i'm happy to live by myself.

I just don't wish to complicate and fuck up my own life over another girl again, just like it always happened in the past. Maybe in the years to come, when i've further matured my mentality, i might just be ready to settle down my heart and soul with the right person.

But for now, this heart-and-soul thingy will stay as the main reason i choose to be single. I cannot settle down just yet, i've so many plans in mind - mountain climbing/trekking in West Malaysia with my best bros, photoshooting in Russia, taking up canoeing, diving with jonathan in Tioman... And there's still so much more to list.

Think of it this way: If I had something holding me back, how am i gonna carry out those plans with a peaceful mind, without expecting major changes?

Being single is bliss; i'm still young and i wanna do a lot of things. A lot of good things, memorable things.

You could say that i'm really just thinking too much... But to tell the truth, has nobody ever had all those things that i've mentioned cross their minds?

To no one in particular, i realised i was never ready to settle myself down. I do not want to face the shackles of life at the wrong time. I believe in fate, but i also believe in being in control of my life. I live for the future, and nothing's gonna take me down!

:D

Haiz, sometimes it can be so sophisticated trying to stay simple...

Hey Nike girl babe, u know u've got me thinking. A lot. ;)